WiFi: connected
Me: then fucking act like it

kaylainthetardis:

amoracomplex:

dirtrider333:

zombikki:

veganasfuck:

how many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw. 

this is the best joke ever

haha…fuck you - sincerely every friendzoned guy ever

You wish - sincerely the women who are by no means obligated to sleep with you.

*mic-drop*

tfw when high and at a family reunion
great aunt i've never heard of: oh my god i haven't seen you in so long!!! you look like you've grown a foot!
me: where

astronaute:

  1. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
  2. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  3. eeeeeeeeeeeeaaeeee

closing your tab instead of opening a new one

image

lyingmary:

imnotpooping75:

imnotpooping75:

where did noah keep his bees

IN THE ARK HIVES

Get the fuck away from me right now

reckluss:

see that quiet kid in class?

that kid talks about you to thousands of followers on tumblr

adambloghart:

artaeologist:

there are five frogs staring at me right now

but only one can be america’s next top model

*throws tissue into trash can from two feet away*
me: BALLIN
me: BALL IS LIFE
me: BASKETBALL NEVER SLEEPS
me: KOBE TELL ME HOW MY ASS TASTES

deepcried:

bowserfucker:

Do you think Joe Biden has ever texted Obama a meme

Hillary once said in an interview that they were in a group message and they were sending ‘funny pictures’ and she just would say ‘get back to work’

shipsnamedenterprise:

*planet explodes* *removes one earbud* what

cheetahwomen:

when ur friends start shit with u

image

slussy:

Frankenstein enters into a body building competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective